Friday, February 21, 2014


There is a phenomenon that happens around here every so often and surprises me every time: I get a text or an email or a call - sometimes even from someone I haven't spoken with recently or who rarely hangs out with Collin - telling me that they have had a dream about Collin. In these dreams, there are two common factors:

1. Collin is almost always doing something he can't do in 'real life', and

2. Some kind of understanding is reached between the dreamer and Collin

I listen to these dreams with a fascination that is part wonder and part envy.

I don't dream about Collin often. When he was a baby, I had dreams of him in some kind of danger - in deep water, just out of reach - but since then, his appearances have been rare. But this song just popped up on Collin's Pandora station and I had a vivid flashback to the most recent time he showed up in my dreams.

I was in a field at the foot of a mountain. It was windy and the clouds were making wild, racing shadows on the grass. I wore a long dark skirt and no shoes. I was running. And Collin was chasing me. His run was toddler-ish, with crazy legs and straight arms. He was concentrating, his tongue out, looking down at the ground instead of where he was going, like little runners do, but he was never far behind me; his eyes were crinkled with fun and he would break into a smile as he caught up to me. I suddenly realized that he was much faster than I had thought and I had to hitch up my skirt and start really running to keep him from catching me. It got me tickled and I was laughing so hard I could barely keep going.

And that's all that happened, for what felt like a long time. When I woke up, my heart was thundering and I started crying - not because the dream was over, but from the intensity of the joy, which wasn't just from Collin running. It was the understanding between us that he knew where I was and was coming to get me.

When I told Kyle about it, he said, "It sounds like heaven." That was exactly what I thought. Like I got a glimpse.


  1. After I read this post I gained some much needed perspective Annie. I felt joy in my heart and was reminded about Heaven which I too often don't think about it. Beautiful post, beautiful Mama and beautiful Collin.

  2. Love you friend. Thank you for sharing this