Friday, January 4, 2013

2012: The Year of More Collin

I'm a little behind on all of the year-in-review stuff. Maybe from Collin's retch-tastic, ultra-oxygenated Christmas week and the necessary recover period for everyone.

Last year, we had Collin's Countdown of Awesomeness and when I sat down to think about how to wrap up this year, I admit that at first I felt a little sad. It wasn't chock full of milestones like last year. No first time standing up or taking steps, no sudden self-potty training. In fact, he stopped bearing weight on his legs for a period of time. We wrestled with the bipap and pulse ox issue. Most other skills stayed exactly the same.

But something about that view of the year didn't sit well with me. Collin had undoubtedly come a long way. I just couldn't put my finger on how. And then I remembered a totally unrelated conversation I had with Kyle recently (notice how many of my breakthroughs come from that guy?) in which he was pushing my buttons by arguing that if it's not measurable, it's not real. Neither of us believes that, but I couldn't keep myself from taking the bait and it all came back to me as I was thinking back over 2012.

Maybe I can't measure it in individual achievements, but it doesn't mean that the change isn't real.

The best I can describe it is this: Collin became more Collin. He sort of came into himself. He became more present. He showed himself to be an excellent listener and a tender heart. He developed obvious interests and a distinct sense of humor that is more than just laughing at flashing lights. He got grumpy more often -- and smiled at interesting and specific things and looked into people's faces and interacted with them in ways that might not have been obvious to anyone but Kyle and me. He refined his taste in music (classical piano, bluegrass, Yo Gabba Gabba) and film (Sesame Street, Winnie the Pooh, Yo Gabba Gabba). He had what I interpreted to be clingy spells (I'm pretty sure I was right) and I would bet you a thousand dollars that I witnessed him expressing physical affection. To me.

So maybe we haven't made identifiable progress in multiple skill areas this year. But I have more of my son than I've ever had before, so you won't hear me complaining. That's a good way to face another year.

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